This is just a place holder name until we can come up with a better one. Below is what I hope to be, a regular feature here at Steal This Comic. So put your hands together, then pull them apart, then put them back together again (ya know, keep repeating this action until your shoulders hurt), for the STCommunity’s own:

Winnie!

21 Jump-Off Street

Yeah, I know – me writing for STC is a bit like showcasing the musical chops of that guy in The Mighty Mighty Bosstones who’s only there to dance.  But Carlisle seems to think I’m worthy, so DEAL WITH IT!  But that’s enough of my sparkling personality.

So, there’s that big virus that may or may not have infected your computers**.  In my day, a virus meant JJ “Dyn-O-mite” Evans had to go to the clinic for some penicillin (I realize I could’ve spelled it differently for effect, but decided to pass) and warn all of his exes about possible contraction of VD.  Now you have to worry about infecting or being infected by random strangers in cyber space, as well as your friends and family.  But sadly, with the level of douchebaggery in the world today, this is something you can run into anytime – nowadays, a task as innocent (read: obsessive) as trying to figure out whether Greedo shot first (the truth is, it wasn’t Han Solo or Greedo - I shot first, but George Lucas cut me out of the film and replaced me with a Walkie-Talkie) could lead to a bigger surprise than getting punched by security guard Gary Coleman.  But, worst case scenario, I can just download Shia LeBeouf porn check out STC at my local Popcopy…

Well, now that I’ve spread fear over the web (that’s right – you never know – the 1 person who reads this might tell 2 friends, and they’ll tell 2 friends, and they’ll tell 2 friends, and so-on, and so-on…), I think it’s time to sign off.  No, really – sign off and don’t come back – I don’t know where your typing fingers have been.  *Carlisle realizes Winnie just told people to leave his site and is subsequently the first person to be fired from a non-paying position …besides the Octomom nannies*  Yeah, that’s right – I just mentioned her – take THAT, Billy Bush!

Thanks for reading!  Love, peace, and Lionel Richie’s jheri curl grease,

Winnie

*tumbleweed rolls by*

**Unless you have a MAC.  Grrr!  Dammit, Justin Long was right!  

Breakin’ News 2:  Electric Boogaloo

Can you truly count yourself as original most of the time?**

Being that, from what I can gather, most STC readers are artists and writers anyway, I’m sure many of you can answer with a resounding “YES!”… Now that I’ve put that little gem out there, to answer the question, I can’t count myself as original most of the time – as evidenced by this column, the purpose of which is to bring up countless things many of us know and love, and hopefully tie it in to the happenings of today, and in doing so, maybe get one of yous guys to crack a smile or muster a snicker, a chigger, a chuckle, a chortle, or even do a spit-take (and to make run-on sentences).  Heck – a groan quickly followed by a head shake makes me feel like I’m doing my job. (more…)

And Now for Something Completely Dilettante

Beatrice "Bea" Arthur (May 13, 1922 – April 25, 2009)

Thank you for readin’ this, friend…

Thought you’d gotten smart and left again…

This blog is poo – about that I am con-fid-ent*** 

And when you’re through with readin’ -

The total comments will stall at 2.

And you will see – the worst insult will be from me

And then Carlisle’s ass will say – please Winnie don’t write again…

***(let me slide on that one!)

I was all set to write about one thing this week, but something I heard on April 25^th  stopped me dead in my tracks… no pun intended.  What kind of self-respecting hag (I left off a word, there) would I be if I didn’t talk about the passing of the talented “Mame” dame Bea Arthur?  

Now, I’m sure you’ve all seen your share of “Thank You For Being A Friend” shrines and such (and if you haven’t, make one, dammit!), but yes – “Golden Girls” love even reaches to webcomics run by men who shave their head and are occasionally referred to as “Gun Show”.  “Golden Girls” love stretches from purple mountains majesty to that sculpture of Lionel Richie’s head in the “Hello” video… above the fruited plane. (more…)

Parker Lewis Can’t LOLZ

I just heard they’re remaking “It” as an R-Rated movie, no Tim Curry, etc.  I don’t want to be classified as someone who is quick to complain (I am – but I hate labels, dammit!), (editor’s note: People who label other people are douchebags) but unless Stephen King himself is involved (and has his bit part, as always), (editor’s note: A flick about Stephen King’s “bit part”? Now that would be a scary movie. Okay, last one I promise.) I’m gonna be pissed.  I can understand the “not using” Tim Curry (and who knows if he’d want to reprise the role), just as I know there’s an “A Nightmare on Elm Street” in the works sans Robert Englund (who probably would’ve done it because I love him). (more…)

Pump Up the Valium

…because May sweeps is killing me.  I’m losing several shows to cancellation as well as being inundated with ridiculous endings/decisions on others and am faced with the ranting (I mean, who does that? *lowers head in shame*) of other fans on the ones I was happy about.  Of course, I’ve never run a show (or stopped it, or been the PHAT lady who sings, which I think I was discriminated against; just like when I applied at Hooters and was turned down even after I swore I’d “put ‘em on when I got there” each day), or written for one, or really done anything but watched one and commented on it. Come to think of it – that is pretty sad – to complain, but not contribute to the betterment of television in a proactive way rather than a reactive one.  But hey, there are people who make money off of complaining about, er critiquing shows (*waves lovingly to TVGuide.com’s Matt Roush*), so I’m only half as bad as I think you thought I pondered to figure I was.  Don’t you think? [insert WTF?! expression and exclamation here] (more…)